I’ll argue that schools and state policies are sidelining parents on gender decisions, show how Washington’s 2023 law hands shelters and DCYF discretion over notifying families, present real-world examples of students being steered toward social transition without parental knowledge, emphasize why children lack the maturity for these choices, invoke constitutional protections for parental authority, and call on the Supreme Court to restore parents’ rights.
Across the country, schools and social workers are quietly normalizing social transitions for students without alerting parents, treating a child’s claim of gender dysphoria as an immediate ticket to affirmation. That trend reaches into shelters, where recent state-level rules direct staff to contact child welfare agencies rather than parents when a runaway seeks “gender-affirming treatment.” These policies take decision-making out of the hands of families and concentrate it in institutions that answer to an activist agenda more than to moms and dads.
Some commentators defend this shift by insisting a child’s desire for privacy is an assertion of autonomy. As Ian Millhiser wrote, “when a child tells their teacher that they are transgender, and that they do not want their parents to know this fact about them, that child is asserting their own right to self-determination.” That sounds heartfelt, but treating immature feelings as settled, weighty choices ignores the simple truth that children do not yet have the life experience or judgment to make permanent decisions about their bodies and identities.
The law and common sense both recognize limits to minor consent. Contracts signed by minors are often voidable, medical procedures typically require parental permission, and minors cannot consent to exploitative sexual activity. These legal guardrails exist because society accepts that parents should guide and protect children while they grow into responsible adults, not be cut out of the loop when the stakes are highest.
There are concrete stories that show how this plays out at the school level. In one Colorado case, a 12-year-old was invited by a teacher to a Gender and Sexualities Alliance meeting and told by a substitute that they were “likely transgender” if they were not completely comfortable with their bodies and were “warned [them] that it might not be safe to tell their parents they are transgender or about the meeting.” Another girl who began attending those sessions later suffered a mental health crisis and attempted suicide; she reported that she had not questioned her gender before those meetings and traced her decline to them.
Washington’s 2023 law complicates rescue options by instructing shelters that take in runaways seeking gender-related care to contact the state Department of Children, Youth and Family Services rather than directly notifying parents. The statute tells DCYF to make a “good faith” effort to reach parents and allows the agency to offer referrals for behavioral health services, while leaving discretion about when a child returns to parental custody. That discretionary power creates a high potential for friction with parents who are trying to protect and guide their children.
The Constitution has long recognized a core role for parents in raising their kids. The Supreme Court has said the Constitution protects parents’ rights “to direct the education and upbringing of their children” and “the fundamental right of parents to make decisions concerning the care, custody, and control of their children.” When state policy shifts those decisions away from families and toward institutions, it threatens a bedrock civil liberty and unsettles basic expectations about who keeps children safe.
As practical policy and sound politics, the answer should be simple: reinstate parental primacy and ensure schools and agencies are obligated to involve families unless there’s clear evidence of abuse or imminent danger. Courts have the power and responsibility to push back when laws and practices effectively eject parents from decisions about their children’s welfare. It’s time for our legal system to reaffirm what most Americans know instinctively: parents, not bureaucrats or activist educators, should decide what’s best for their kids.
