Young men today are not inherently broken or dangerous; they are under-shaped by the collapse of the institutions that used to guide them, leaving many isolated, aimless, and vulnerable. This piece argues that the erosion of mentorship, community, and intergenerational ties has produced a crisis of formation, not a crisis of masculinity itself, and it calls on families, neighbors, and older men to step up and rebuild the networks that raise healthy men.
The visible problems are stark: rising loneliness, falling educational engagement among males, and increasing mental health crises. Those are symptoms, not the whole story, because what’s missing is steady formation—people who insist on standards and model craft, courage, and care. Without those anchors, young guys flail between online echo chambers and hollow autonomy.
Too often we mistake the worst behavior we see for the true nature of men and slap a label on masculinity itself. That’s a lazy cultural shortcut that blames identity rather than the absence of mentorship and moral training. Men can act cruelly or selfishly, but those behaviors usually reflect neglect, not an inherent male defect.
“[There’s] no such thing as ‘toxic masculinity — that’s the emperor of all oxymorons. There’s cruelty, criminality, bullying, predation, and abuse of power. If you’re guilty of any of these things, or conflate being male with coarseness and savagery, you’re not masculine; you’re anti-masculine.”
Formation happens in ordinary places: a locker room, a job site, a church basement, or a kitchen table where older men show up and care. I can still picture the coach who pushed me hard, the neighbor who treated me like a son, and the boss who expected me to keep my promises. Those relationships taught skills, resilience, humility, and the difference between confidence and arrogance.
We traded that slow, patient shaping for a cult of self-definition—define yourself, build yourself, alone and online. That sounds empowering until you see what it produces: fragile independence, shallow identities, and brittle coping skills. Social media and influencer culture sell imitation rather than formation and reward performance instead of responsibility.
“A lack of social support has myriad negative effects, regardless of gender: higher risk of mortality, depression, poor sleep quality, weakened immunity, anxiety and low self-esteem,” Volpe writes. “Having a network to rely on has been found to strengthen a person’s coping abilities, and quality of life, even while stressed.”
Real institutions used to structure lives and expect things from people—labor groups, civic clubs, youth organizations, thriving congregations, and extended families. Those communal scaffolds offered duties and rites of passage that taught young men how to steward temper, money, time, and relationships. When those scaffolds erode, the pathways to adulthood narrow and become uncertain.
We can’t outsource mentorship to algorithms or let screens stand in for neighbors and teachers. Nothing on a feed can take the place of a coach who holds a player accountable after a loss or an older coworker who models how to do difficult work well. If adults stop investing their time and presence, the next generation won’t just be lonelier—they’ll be less capable of meeting life’s real tests.
So the fix is practical and moral: rebuild local institutions, encourage intergenerational ties, and normalize adult responsibility for younger men. That means churches, schools, employers, and community groups deliberately creating roles where men can mentor, serve, and be formed. We should expect sacrifice from adults because formation costs time, patience, and consistency.
Men in modern life still want clear standards, honest praise, and correction when they stumble, not moralizing condemnation from a distance. Providing that means showing up, teaching skills, and offering steady friendship that models faithfulness over flash. It’s not glamorous work, but it’s the kind that makes steady, resilient citizens and husbands and fathers.
If you care about strong communities, then invest in the places where men grow: youth teams, apprenticeships, volunteer squads, and family networks that interlock generations. The challenge requires long-term commitment rather than quick fixes, and it demands that mature men stop outsourcing their duty to institutions that no longer suffice. That kind of presence changes lives in ways a viral post never will.
